Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in bookwyrm's InsaneJournal:

Saturday, January 19th, 2008
7:25 am	Remind me again why this is a good idea? Today, I have another coding practice session. I really hope more people show up. She's nice, but I don't think I can ask enough questions to fill the 3 hr block. God I'm tired. I can't get myself back on a normal schedule, so I'm up until 2-3, sleep for a few hours, get myself and Em up, get her to school, me to work, then come home and take a nap. And if I don't take a nap, I fall asleep at my computer. gah! I don't want to go in today. :( (Comment on this)
Friday, January 18th, 2008
2:36 pm	Motivation Its so hard to get motivated. This is my last quarter, so 62 days from today, and it will all be over. But I look at the amount of work to be done before its all over, and I'm discouraged. Hell, for coding alone, I have @900 problems. Not sure why I went looking for Trina today. We didn't part on the best terms, and when she did call, I never called her back. I really hate this time of year. I have plenty of attention, and lovers that love me, but I always go looking for someone new this time of the year. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008
7:50 am	File this under "Why didn't I keep my mouth shut" I finally broke down and asked him last night. It was driving me nuts. Did he want to? Why didn't he say anything? And you know his answer? "I was waiting until you graduated" gah! Now, if I had just kept my mouth shut, I would have had this wonderful proposal, or at least been asked, instead of me asking him. :( I don't know why that's important to me, but it was. damnit. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 14th, 2008
9:22 am	Sometimes, I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. He hasn't said anything since then, so I don't know what his thoughts are. Does he even want it? Has he ever thought about it? Am I pushing him into this? How will this affect her and I? I can't believe there won't be some kind of fall out from this. I'm afraid it will hurt her, but I can't force it. Not even to spare her feelings. So why am I doing this? Shouldn't I have already come to these answers before talking to him? Why do I need this so much? How will this affect my relationship with him? How about him? I think the most important question is "why?" How do I believe this will change my relationship with him? how is it different than what we already have? Not just for me, for for him, too. Do I believe he loves me? Without a doubt. What is the difference between a committed and a lovers relationship? Why didn't he ever say anything? I feel like he's doing this for me, but its not something he would have ever considered. So why do I need it? Part of me fears it is because I am jealous of his relationship with her. And because I can't think of a good reason why I need it, I'm scared that is the true reason. In which case, its the worst reason of all. Why do I need it? I want to be able to brag that he's my husband, too - but is it for the titillation factor? He's incredible, and wonderful, and amazing, and so brilliant! But if I love him so much, why can't I tell my family about him? What am I hiding? I know part of it is due to my mother, and her conservative beliefs. But I could say something to my sister, and I don't. However, sometimes I question how conservative she is, despite what she has done. And obviously, I can't talk to my father. So the big question is, what about my husband? (Comment on this)
Friday, January 11th, 2008
9:15 am	Ha! Its MINE! Those who know me know I get obsessed with the little things. New gadgets, new people, new books, new games... and handles. I know this is a common handle, but by god, its MINE. Or at least, on some of the sites it is :) Bookwyrm shows my love of books, my love of computers (wyrm = virus), and my love of all things fantastical, but especially dragons. Eventually, I hope to get a tattoo on my left hand that is a dragon curling around the arch of my hand and thumb. First, lets get a job. Then we'll get the tattoo. I don't know how much I'll update here. I'm a student, and actually, this is my last quarter. Things are a bit... um... busy on this end. But i like the idea I have a place I can go to rant, and the people in my life won't see it. Sometimes, you just need to rant. (Comment on this)